Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
