Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize