and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
