dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
