im about as happy as oj after his trial
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
