New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
