Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
