She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
