In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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