can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
