i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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