$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't think brook has ever known best
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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