He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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