oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
