I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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