Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
