I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
