i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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