she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize