i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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