True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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