we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
