I didn't shave. On purpose
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
