you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
