Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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