if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
