I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
