Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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