capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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