shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
