remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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