then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
