bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
