I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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