i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
