I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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