You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
