Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
