Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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