Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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