Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
