Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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