people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
