Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
