is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
