I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
