my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
