Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
