Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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