love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
