i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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