I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
