The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
