I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
MIDGETS
????
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
