i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
