I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
