i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
