why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We got so high we made milksteak
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
