What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
