Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
