i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
