i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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