Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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