Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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