Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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