Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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