there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
