a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
