But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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