I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
