Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
