Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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