This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
