I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
