I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
