I didn't shave. On purpose
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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