turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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