Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
